Your Wisdom Like A Stone
Mar. 12th, 2003 03:05 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
venetianarchiveAnother waiting period, another holding pattern. Packing things up, sending them away, giving them away - throwing them away. After that, I will be going to live on a lonely mountaintop for a few months, then take up my remaining possessions and move on to somewhere else (yet to be decided).
Not wanting things gets easier the more you do it, and with time, I hope to filter out all the unnecessary things - becoming clean and inviting as an empty room. I used to be that, once, and then I cluttered it up with neuroses and emotions and desires. For three years, I've been trying to clean it out, but it's not easy to let go.
I'm oddly tired, and vaguely irritated, but also slightly hopeful. A dear friend is cheered by the thought that I'm turning back from the "dark side," and it's true that for once in a long time I can envision the life I've always dreamed of. It's not conventional, it's not what everyone says will work, but I'm willing to believe that it is achievable, as impossible as it seems. I wonder sometimes if I am too unreasonable, too demanding in my expectations of myself - and as a result, of those around me. But I've come also to the recent conclusion that there may be something in that saying that happiness precludes greatness. Comfort prevents change. Something more to ponder, perhaps.
Not wanting things gets easier the more you do it, and with time, I hope to filter out all the unnecessary things - becoming clean and inviting as an empty room. I used to be that, once, and then I cluttered it up with neuroses and emotions and desires. For three years, I've been trying to clean it out, but it's not easy to let go.
I'm oddly tired, and vaguely irritated, but also slightly hopeful. A dear friend is cheered by the thought that I'm turning back from the "dark side," and it's true that for once in a long time I can envision the life I've always dreamed of. It's not conventional, it's not what everyone says will work, but I'm willing to believe that it is achievable, as impossible as it seems. I wonder sometimes if I am too unreasonable, too demanding in my expectations of myself - and as a result, of those around me. But I've come also to the recent conclusion that there may be something in that saying that happiness precludes greatness. Comfort prevents change. Something more to ponder, perhaps.
