O Tangle Of Matter And Ghost

The last few days have been difficult, but interesting, and quite tiring. I feel much better at the moment, having just had food, but I'll need to get more grading done tonight, and I have another procedure later this week, so there's still more obstacles to face before the weekend (not that I get any rest then, either). I have come to believe, however, that at least some of my difficulty healthwise comes from stress and overwork. At the moment, I am unfortunately more stressed and overworked than ever, so I see no readily available means of improvement.

Interesting news - our hotel is about to be invaded by ConJose (WorldCon) attendees, who will be at the annual sci-fi convention for five days. We'll still be here, of course, since Plaintiffs will probably rest on Tuesday, and Defendants case will start, but a few friends might be down for the convention, so I might be able to see them, which would be nice. I'm even considering going to the convention at least one day, since I'm here - a number of interesting authors are presenting.

As for the weeks ahead, I'm currently due to see my gastroenterologist on my birthday, which will (hopefully) reassuring, and after that it will be back to work. However, the thought is to try to place an order for the corset this weekend (I'll have to go in and get measured, since it's been a few years since I had the last one made) and have it be my birthday present to myself. Depending on when the trial ends, I might even get to go away after it's all over for a weekend at Red Mountain, which is my current hope. Then, in October, there are several Renaissance Faire opportunities, and I'll start getting ready for Dickens Faire (asssuming I get accepted). Applications, too...

Birthdays always bring the thought of impending mortality, although most people would say I'm too young to worry about it yet. But the recent health problems have given me pause for thought. I'm certainly pleased with what I've been able to accomplish so far, and I rather take pride in the fact that people often assume I must be older than I am, to have done what I have done and reached the position I occupy. But, I still feel there's so much I want to do, and experience, and there's so much I need to learn before I can settle into a life. But at the same time, I'm aware of people settling down all around me, my friends and contemporaries, making commitments to careers, partners, communities. I still feel too young for all that. Am I right in waiting to find out what I really want? Or am I just avoiding growing up, until it's too late? More to ponder -