Your Pain Is No Credential Here
Jul. 31st, 2002 07:35 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
venetianarchiveI suppose I should be concerned that I've been made a full-fledged grader rather than a backup, even after a single round of apprenticeship, and assigned a question type in which I haven't trained. Yet, today I feel surprisingly calm about this, the trial (12 days to go!), my ongoing illness (which is, thank god, improving somewhat), and everything else in my scattered life.
I have made some tangible steps toward the future, at last, and this cannot be a bad thing. The first three options of the first step have been determined and are about to be set in motion. I've also scheduled the major movements and events in my life through the end of the year, which is more of a mixed blessing, but there's plenty to look forward to in all of that - faires, classes, obligations, visits from family, and maybe a small holiday trip.
Also, having spoken with my guest at length the other night, I have some new insights into the way I have shaped my life over these last few years. Certain assessments - I have become more stable in some respects, less stable in others - I have become jaded, a pessimist, a cynic, and a stoic. I have become more hard-edged, less generous, less vulnerable. This is, to be honest, all as I intended. I prize a certain restraint, repression and subtlety that many other people do not understand and do not value. I have yet to learn a certain forgiveness, and a willingness to tolerate the faults of others - if I so desire.
Many of these statements are true, but it does not necessarily make them correct.
I have made some tangible steps toward the future, at last, and this cannot be a bad thing. The first three options of the first step have been determined and are about to be set in motion. I've also scheduled the major movements and events in my life through the end of the year, which is more of a mixed blessing, but there's plenty to look forward to in all of that - faires, classes, obligations, visits from family, and maybe a small holiday trip.
Also, having spoken with my guest at length the other night, I have some new insights into the way I have shaped my life over these last few years. Certain assessments - I have become more stable in some respects, less stable in others - I have become jaded, a pessimist, a cynic, and a stoic. I have become more hard-edged, less generous, less vulnerable. This is, to be honest, all as I intended. I prize a certain restraint, repression and subtlety that many other people do not understand and do not value. I have yet to learn a certain forgiveness, and a willingness to tolerate the faults of others - if I so desire.
Many of these statements are true, but it does not necessarily make them correct.
